Mary Sue and Ward Six
by KarmicRuffia
Summary: ((Please don't take this fic seriously. This is basically a parody of Mary Sues- no offense was intended to anyone. Pairing: MarySue/Peter/Toast. One-Shot.)) WARNING- EXTREME MARY-SUE-NESS. Rated for safety.


The gates of Hogwarts loomed in front of me and I casually sauntered in, thinking as I did, 'I'm home." I tossed my long, luxurious blonde hair behind my head, and swung my hips, smiling as I did. It was no secret that I was totally gorgeous; the entire male population of Hogwarts was in love with me, even! But who could resist my slender body with its hourglass shape and perfect tan? It was the start of the school year and already I had had, like, twenty guys come and ask me for a date. But I, being me, could only settle for the best.

I sat at the Gryffindor table, between Lily Evans and Alice Prewett. People regarded Evans as the smartest person in our year, but her intelligence paled to mine. I was the smartest person at Hogwarts as well as the most beautiful. I also played Quidditch and was the star of the team- with me on it, Gryffindor had won every single match we'd played! It was hard, though, because I led a double life- I was secretly trying to defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but I could not tell anyone, because otherwise he would know that it was I that was foiling his plans, and my life would be in terrible danger. But despite all that, I still managed to beat everyone at every single test, after all my hard studying- earning the love of all the boys and the friendship of all the girls. Even Evans was my friend, sort of- I tolerated her, despite the fact that she was always hanging off my arm like some sort of limpet! She was horribly on love with James Potter, and for that reason I could never really like her- because, you see, since Jamie and I were such good friends, I couldn't stand to see her chase after him like a paparazzi!

I winked at James, who was staring at me, as usual. He gave me an expression, which I assume was one of utmost love and devotion. To be honest, it wasn't very attractive; he just looked more confused and slightly idiotic than usual. Poor James- he wasn't the brightest crayon in the tool shed, despite the good grades he got he was actually not too smart. He and Sirius Black were the most sought after guys in the school, but I could see past the good looks to the interior, and I knew that despite the way that they chased after me I could never give them the time of day. They would only be really good friends to me, nothing more.

They were, in fact, my best friends, as I was the fifth Marauder. We did everything together! It wasn't even awkward knowing that they were all in love with me. I got up from the Gryffindor table and sauntered over to where he sat. "Hi James," I said cheerfully. He looked at me sideways. "Hi... Uh... Alison?" He said carefully, and I giggled. That James! Such a joker! Pretending he didn't know my name! "Haha James, you're so funny" I giggled. "You know my name's Starfire Indigo Cherry Blossom Dumbledore-Flamel!"

"Yeah, sure," said James. "Uh, gotta go... Starry Bottom? Yeah, I think I see... Professor Mc Gonagall. She's calling me. It must be uh, about the grindylows in the Prefect's Bathroom. Bye!"

I shook my head and scooted into the place where he had been sitting. Looking over, I could see why he'd chosen it; it had a fairly obvious line of sight to where _I'd _been sitting. In fact, the only obstruction was Evans's hair, which was rather large and would have been rather in his way. Poor James. I looked over my other side, where Sirius had been sitting. "Hi Sirius!" I said excitedly. "How are you?"

He looked at me with longing, although because I was sitting next to him it looked more like he was staring at the pudding in front of me. But I knew that, since he was unbearably in love with me, that this could not be so. "I'm fine... Starry Bottom? Is that your name?"

I giggled. That was just like him, to carry on one of James's jokes and pretend he didn't know my real name. "Oh, silly," I flapped my hand at him. "You know that's not my name!" I reached over and took a bit of toast; he smiled at me with adoring love, but this time it just looked like a grimace. "Oh, shit," he said wildly. "Is that James with Mc Googles? I've gotta go, see you later... Starry."

"Kay, bye!" I said happily, eating my toast daintily. My extreme beauty must have overcome poor Sirius! I smiled over at Remus, who was very pointedly not looking at me. I knew Remus was shyer than the rest; he probably couldn't handle the fact that there was no more Sirius or James to keep the heat off him. It wasn't often that it was just he, Peter, and I and even though I was the fifth Marauder, they still hadn't told me Remus's secret. It was all right; because I'd worked it out for myself- it was obvious. Remus was scarred, always away at the full moon and always dog-tired afterwards. He was a Werewolf Hunter! I'd told him I knew, but he still stayed away from me. I knew that it was because he was just as in love with me as the rest, though.

I smiled at Remus and he nodded back, turning his head back to the book he had been reading to take the attention away from himself. I nearly said something, but decided not to. After all, it just wouldn't do to add fuel to the flames of Remus's desire. At least he hadn't gotten my name wrong! I mean, I couldn't remember if he'd said my name or not- it didn't matter to me _that _much- but still I felt happy knowing that he was so in awe of me that he just couldn't tease me like the others did. I just hoped that poor Remus someday found another person to love, as I could not love him back.

Peter Pettigrew looked at me, as I put my untouched second piece of toast on my plate. I liked Peter a lot. He was quiet, unassuming, and had a good heart- you could totally tell that he was going to be one of the greats one day, off by himself in some important position, like Minister of Magic! He didn't have the kind of traditional beauty that the other three did, of course, which was probably why no one really payed attention to him, but I just knew that Peter and I- well, we were meant for each other, and today was the day I was going to do it.

I was going to ask Peter Pettigrew out on a date.

I leant over to him and said, through the fluttering of the butterflies in my stomach, "Peter Pettigrew, will you go out with me?"

At the same time, he said, "Can I have that piece of toast if you're not gonna eat it?"

I fluttered my eyelashes seductively and said smokily, "Sure, Pete… can I call you Pete? I'll give you the piece of toast… if you go out with me…"

"Yeah, sure," said Peter. He reached over and took the toast from my plate- I knew he was only doing it to tease me. "You're such a _flirt_, Pete!" I said.

And then we lived happily ever after and I defeated Voldemort and became captain of the England all-mens team because I am _that good_ a Quidditch player, and we won the World Cup, like, twenty years in a row and Peter became Minister for Magic.

* * *

**A/N: **

**I am ****_really _****sorry. My friend and I were staying up late one night, and she just said, "there are so many Mary-Sues about James, and Sirius… why not Peter?" so I sat down and was about to write a Mary-Sue, but I just couldn't do a serious one, so this happened. **

**Basically she's deluded about ****_everything_****, and just messes everything up. Her real name was probably something like Jane Doe- really generic and stuff. And she probably ended up in the insane ward of St Mungo's.**

**And Peter just wanted the toast.**

**Anyway, to reiterate: I apologize about EVERYTHING.**

**Karma out.**


End file.
